Warning: Read at your own risk. This is me, raw and uncut. I’m using this blog site as a place to categorize all things in my brain from lifestyle, travel, mindfulness, and even my deepest thoughts. That’s what this category is…”my deepest thoughts”…the place where I dump out my feelings and process the “why” behind the experience.
Just to get you up to speed if this is the first thing you’ve ever read of mine… OK, here it goes…”Spirit, God, Divine Power,” (whatever you call it) has repeatedly told me (well, through my friend that’s a medium) to “share my story.” WHAT… IN…THE…FUCK do you want me to share, I ask myself?!? Should I share the story of my divorce; my career change; my battles of anxiety and low self-esteem; finding me throughout this journey; finding freedom… I have so many aspects of things to share, but I don’t even know where to begin??
I do know, however, all these experiences I’ve encountered WILL help inspire or heal someone. I am very aware of that… I’ve seen it with my own eyes already. I’m a catalyst, showing people the way. I have a good intuition.. a “knack” you’d say for helping others, but I also need help. I have felt so lonely lately. This journey has been a lonely one, but also highly rewarding. I know if I’m feeling this way, others are feeling this way too… so that’s why I’m being so raw and open on here.
After my divorce, I did work on myself…went to therapy and focused on my new career. I’d say I was “healed” for the most part. So going into the New Year, I told myself “I’m finally ready,” and I decided to focus on finding companionship. Let me tell you what I did… I jumped into the deep end, well, really, CANNONBALLED into these dating apps.
Word of caution here: Let me tell you… If you have not healed, do NOT even attempt to get on these apps!! The ups and downs I have experienced in my mental health have been exhausting. The highs of “oh I got a like… someone does think I’m pretty,” to being ghosted. The worst has been the bullying with surface level comments like “you’re too old, or too short, or you’re too chubby for me.” I sorta want to slap these fuckers…I mean, did your mom not raise you right?? I was raised “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Jerks!
What the apps have brought out in me, is depression and low self-worth. Obviously, this is being brought into my reality for me to take a look at so I can heal through it. Because, I tell you what… these motherfuckers aren’t bringing me down! At times, I do get in a dark place and I think I’ll never find anyone because “I’m not pretty enough.” But when this happens, I have to be my own cheerleader and say, ”Leah, SCREW THAT”…. I AM a catch!! And anyone that is with me is lucky! In fact, I’m going to add value to YOUR life…I have alot to offer!!!
In conclusion, this has been a struggle. I’m on here telling you this because somebody, even if it’s just one person that’s reading this blog, is feeling the same way that I am. I’m sharing my story like Spirit told me to; making Tik Toks and doing this blog… being extremely vulnerable along the way. So, if you’ve been led here, know that you’ve been led here for a purpose. And that even in the darkest of hours there is a light guiding you. And maybe I AM that candle that’s burning for you…for you to see just a little bit of my flame and know there is hope. I promise you, I’ll walk ahead of you and burn a motherfucking path for both of us!! Hang in there my friends…I know it’s a struggle, but we got this. Love ya’ll. -Leah
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